Love and Logic?

So I checked out Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood from the library. I'm always looking for ways to improve my parenting skills. A friend had recommended this series and said it worked wonders with her daughter who was always dawdling in the mornings. The philosophy is really about letting our children experience the natural consequences of their choices. You climb on slippery rocks, you fall in the river and get wet. It sounds good enough, and I believe I practice this most of the time. The book also talks about giving your children choices, or "making deposits" in their "feel confident about myself" account so that later you can make "withdrawals" when they don't get a choice and, according to the authors, they will pretty much do as you ask because you have made so many "deposits" throughout the day. So I tried it -- "Do you want juice or milk for breakfast?" "Do you want your sneakers or sandals?" "Do you want to set the plates or the silverware?" Feeling I had been generous throughout the day I assumed my children would do as I asked them when I told them it was time for a bath. Even in this I gave them a choice, "Do you want to get undressed in your room or in the bathroom?" "Our room!" they chorused together and then proceeded to run all over the house, giggling, and not getting undressed. So I followed the book -- "If you don't get undressed for a bath, you'll have to go straight to bed, no stories or songs." Okay, so maybe not a natural consequence, but the best I could come up with after a long day. Looking back, the best natural consequence would be to have put them in the tub fully clothed, which I have done before. But on with the results of my experiment.

They didn't get undressed, so we said prayers and they were put to bed at 7:30 fully clothed, no bath, no teeth brushing, stories or songs. I went downstairs and made a phone call or two, then went back up around 9:00 after putting Spencer to bed to check on the sweet things. George had proceeded to tear down and break the blackout shade we have in their room (because the sun insists on coming up at 4:30 am). I was so angry, but I followed the book, staying calm and saying "That is a bummer. Now you are going to have to pay for that with chores or with your favorite toy, Mr. Bear." "I'll do chores mom, I'm sorry." I jimmy rigged the shade to make it through the night and left thinking, this just might work. The next day, it was like pulling teeth to get George to do the chores to pay for the shade. Those things are $30! First was laundry. George knows how to fold his clothes, but apparently this was just too much. He cried and pouted, and yelled "I need help" for about an hour. Finally I said, "If you don't want to do chores, then you will have to pay with Mr. Bear." And he did, handed him over and then went about his day. I was the one that felt awful. I took away his lovey! All for a shade - what a terrible mom. For the rest of the morning, I continued to try the Love and Logic way, but I found I wasn't able to make any "withdrawals". Obviously my children had not read the book.

"Great," I thought, "my children are going to end up kicking dogs or mass murderers just like the little boy in the book whose mom didn't use Love and Logic (pg. 41-42)." I ended up following the hate and frustration way for early childhood. So I quit. I went back to the old ways of time outs and lots of praise for good behavior. And I realized that sometimes the "natural consequence" of bad behavior is a grouchy mom who isn't very much fun to be around.

I love my kids. Sometimes I don't like them - and that's okay. But for the most part I get to enjoy sweet things like this.

And this, where I need to ask George what his name is - Harry, George, or some other name, like Tom.

Or when Phin says "Hi, mom!" ten times at the dinner table. I love it.

I figure the best way to be a parent is to listen to the Spirit, fill your own spiritual reservoir and love them as much as you can. And take a break when you need to. Even just going to Wal-mart without children can be a rejuvenating experience.