More Love and Logic

The last time I wrote about love and logic, I was completely against it. But a friend commented that she knows people who swear by it, it just takes practice. Knowing that this friend would never steer me wrong, I decided to try it again.

And, miracle of miracles -- IT WORKED! Most of the time...

For example, I hauled all three children to the copy and binding store to get our family calendar bound. We had been practicing the "Uh-oh" song at home and it had started to stop Phin in his tracks. But would it work outside the house? I told the boys they could walk around, but that they couldn't run; running is for outside. Phin, of course, began to run around the displays of paper. "Uh-oh," I sang. And he stopped! I walked toward him saying, "So sad, looks like you need to come and sit with mommy for a little bit." And he stayed put! He didn't run off, throwing a mischevious grin over his shoulder. He came with me calmly, sat by my feet for a few minutes and then, when let go, walked. We had to practice not running about three times in the 20 minutes we were there, but I left there relaxed, calm and not at all frustrated with this little boy who had been running me ragged.

Another example: George was playing outside in the dirt when I called him in for dinner. "No, I want to keep playing," he told me. "Okay," I said, "But dinner time is now. Do you want to keep playing or eat dinner."

"Keep playing," he said.

So we ate without him. He came strolling in as we were cleaning up and told me he was hungry and wanted to eat.

"Oh, George. I'm so sorry," I said. "Dinner is over."

"But I'm hungry," he cried, not believing that I would actually refuse him food.

"I know, I'm sorry."

He cried and whined, but then realized that I was serious and that he had chosen to play instead. The real kicker came when Grandmom and Poppop showed up that night with ice cream.

"Only kids who ate dinner get to have ice cream," Grandmom said. And so poor George watched while we all ate ice cream without him.

It sounds cruel, but George has not missed dinner since. And he eats what we are having, knowing that there will not be another option.

We have also used love and logic in helping them to clean up their toys. "Pick up the toys you would like to keep," we say. And after 10 minutes, I pick up any toys left out and they go into my room. I thought this was backfiring on me one week, because they were not picking up any of their toys. They would simply move onto the next box of toys that they hadn't played with in a while, when the other toys disappeared into my room. After about three days they each had one Matchbox car left to play with. Everything else was in my room. What was I going to do with all these toys. I didn't think I could make them earn them all back. The I had a stroke of genius.

I set up a "toy store" in the boys room, labeling each of the toys with a "price". One chore for this toy, two chores for that toy. I gave the boys chores on pieces of paper and had them shop. Any toy that they didn't buy went to Goodwill or was donated to the nursery at church. It cut down on the toys, got the ones I had out of my room and made the boys work for the ones they wanted to keep. It was great. I think I'll do it at least twice a year.

So, it works ... most of the time. I still have questions (like how do I give a consequence to one boy that affects the whole family?) and we still have our hard days (did I mention we got kicked out of the library recently?) but all in all it makes parenting a lot more fun and less stressful. I'm not so exhausted at the end of the day. That's not to say that by the time the weekend comes I'm not ready for a little me time. Adam knows that Friday dinner is bound to be difficult (it's hard to practice everyday and not kind of slack toward the end of the week, right?) But he handles it like a champ and I love him for it. So we will keep practicing, singing "Uh-oh", and giving away chores like candy. The greatest thing is, I haven't had to clean the toilet myself for weeks!

Couponing

There is a woman in our ward who can buy $200 worth of groceries for $30, I swear. She does it all by couponing. When Adam heard about the miracle of clipping coupons and told me about it, I was all for giving it a try. So I went out and bought my binder with my plastic baseball card sleeves to hold my coupons and sharpened my scissors. I got two Sunday newspapers and printed more coupons online. I clipped and organized for at least three days. I made my list and hit the supermarket.

The first deal was the Kraft deal. If you bought $25 worth of qualifying Kraft products you would get $5 off your next purchase and a $20 check in the mail. So the groceries were FREE. However, I found that a lot of the "qualifying" items were things that we didn't need. But I had to buy $25 worth, so I loaded up on the grated mozzarella cheese - after all you can always freeze it.

The second deal was to buy 10 Kellogg's items and get a $10 rebate check. So I loaded up on the cereal and the Pop Tarts and the Yogos (really just candy disguised as a nutritious yogurt covered fruit snack).

The final deal was if you bought four "qualifying" General Mills items, you would get a free gallon of milk on your next visit. So I piled in the General Mills items. So, with my cart full of sugar cereals, crackers and mozzarella cheese, I made my way to the check out. I had a coupon for nearly everything in my basket and I was confident that I was going to be able to whip out two $20 bills and pay for it all. Then I was going to get all that money back and free milk.

Then there was the coupons themselves. 55 cents off TWO. $1 off SIX. 60 cents off ONE 15 oz. box. I had to read and reread all of them. Did my purchase match, was it the right size, the right brand? Oh the detail! I nearly started hyperventilating before I even made it to the checkout.

And here were the other problems. I was so worried about getting $25 of Kraft stuff that I way over bought. I mean, were they counting the regular price, the sale price or the price I actually paid with my coupon? I didn't know, so I just piled in the qualifying purchases, hoping it would hit $25. I did okay on the Kelloggs, but you needed an "original store receipt" to claim both your Kraft and Kellogg rebates! Oh, no, they only would give me one, what was I going to do? So I had to go back and have the store manager print me a "report receipt" from the computer. As for the free milk, I was so confused with buying the Kelloggs cereals and other products, trying to make sure that I had ten, that I only bought 3 qualifying GM cereals and thus lost out on the milk deal. I walked out of there in a daze, my head spinning.

Basically, I came home, having spent our entire weeks grocery budget on cereal, crackers, macaroni and cheese and shredded mozzarella. The store receipt said I saved over $100. But I felt like a total looser and that I had wasted my time and my family's money. I still had to go to a different store the next day and buy meat, bread, eggs and MILK because there was no way I was paying the other supermarket's inflated prices.

The lesson I take away from this - clip and stock up if it's a good deal, but don't count on getting the food you actually need this week from coupons. I'm going back to my old grocery store where everything is on sale compared to the "coupon friendly" supermarket. I spend less and I get what I need for my family. There's so many other things that cause stress in my life, I don't need to add grocery shopping.

House Hunting

I have a friend who hates to house hunt. She hates shopping too, and house hunting is major shopping. Adam has gotten a permanent position here in Richland, so we have begun the house hunt.

I swear we have looked at more than 30 houses. Old houses, new houses, houses that don't have all the walls up yet and houses that have too many walls. I mean, why take 2000 square feet and then divide it up into a bunch of little boxy rooms? It's been like any other house hunt. You love the yard, but don't care for the house. You love the house, but the schools leave something to be desired. You love the school, but can't afford the house. You walk into the house and wonder if they are serious about selling it. One of the last houses I looked at had growling animals in cages in dark rooms and a basement where the only light came from an aquarium holding a large snake. Yikes!

Then you think you've found it: a house in your price range with (almost) everything. This one has the square footage we want, a large yard on a cul de sac with a pool and a park right across the street. However, no storage, it's a split entry and the driveway goes down from the street so you have to get a running start up the hill and there's the chance for flooding if it rains too much. Little things, I know, but enough to delay a decision and someone else snatches it up. The housing slump has not hit Richland. Most houses are sold within 60 days. That puts a lot of pressure on a buyer. I'm not sure I can make a life decision in 60 days, but I guess I'll have to.

It's such a huge decision, you know. I mean, our children will grow up in this house. These will be the schools that will teach all of them. This neighborhood will be ours. I'll have to navigate stairs for the next 20 years. What will the ward be like?

So the search continues. One thing I do know. The Lord knows what an important decision this is, and the home that we are supposed to have will be there when we need it and we will know that it's ours.

Trains

Yard sales have become a family tradition. If I ask George what he would rather do on Saturday morning, watch cartoons or go to a yard sale, the yard sale will invariably win out. I don't know if you would consider it cheap or thrifty, but we have even started to look for Christmas gifts at yard sales. We've found some great treasures on our Saturday morning outings, not a few of which are trains.

Phin loves trains, and when you can get a whole set for $5, we love trains too.




As you can see, it's a family affair. Even Spencer is into it. Phin, our little engineer is never happier than when he is playing with his trains. Except for maybe if you throw in a popsicle with the trains. Then it's heaven.