More Love and Logic

The last time I wrote about love and logic, I was completely against it. But a friend commented that she knows people who swear by it, it just takes practice. Knowing that this friend would never steer me wrong, I decided to try it again.

And, miracle of miracles -- IT WORKED! Most of the time...

For example, I hauled all three children to the copy and binding store to get our family calendar bound. We had been practicing the "Uh-oh" song at home and it had started to stop Phin in his tracks. But would it work outside the house? I told the boys they could walk around, but that they couldn't run; running is for outside. Phin, of course, began to run around the displays of paper. "Uh-oh," I sang. And he stopped! I walked toward him saying, "So sad, looks like you need to come and sit with mommy for a little bit." And he stayed put! He didn't run off, throwing a mischevious grin over his shoulder. He came with me calmly, sat by my feet for a few minutes and then, when let go, walked. We had to practice not running about three times in the 20 minutes we were there, but I left there relaxed, calm and not at all frustrated with this little boy who had been running me ragged.

Another example: George was playing outside in the dirt when I called him in for dinner. "No, I want to keep playing," he told me. "Okay," I said, "But dinner time is now. Do you want to keep playing or eat dinner."

"Keep playing," he said.

So we ate without him. He came strolling in as we were cleaning up and told me he was hungry and wanted to eat.

"Oh, George. I'm so sorry," I said. "Dinner is over."

"But I'm hungry," he cried, not believing that I would actually refuse him food.

"I know, I'm sorry."

He cried and whined, but then realized that I was serious and that he had chosen to play instead. The real kicker came when Grandmom and Poppop showed up that night with ice cream.

"Only kids who ate dinner get to have ice cream," Grandmom said. And so poor George watched while we all ate ice cream without him.

It sounds cruel, but George has not missed dinner since. And he eats what we are having, knowing that there will not be another option.

We have also used love and logic in helping them to clean up their toys. "Pick up the toys you would like to keep," we say. And after 10 minutes, I pick up any toys left out and they go into my room. I thought this was backfiring on me one week, because they were not picking up any of their toys. They would simply move onto the next box of toys that they hadn't played with in a while, when the other toys disappeared into my room. After about three days they each had one Matchbox car left to play with. Everything else was in my room. What was I going to do with all these toys. I didn't think I could make them earn them all back. The I had a stroke of genius.

I set up a "toy store" in the boys room, labeling each of the toys with a "price". One chore for this toy, two chores for that toy. I gave the boys chores on pieces of paper and had them shop. Any toy that they didn't buy went to Goodwill or was donated to the nursery at church. It cut down on the toys, got the ones I had out of my room and made the boys work for the ones they wanted to keep. It was great. I think I'll do it at least twice a year.

So, it works ... most of the time. I still have questions (like how do I give a consequence to one boy that affects the whole family?) and we still have our hard days (did I mention we got kicked out of the library recently?) but all in all it makes parenting a lot more fun and less stressful. I'm not so exhausted at the end of the day. That's not to say that by the time the weekend comes I'm not ready for a little me time. Adam knows that Friday dinner is bound to be difficult (it's hard to practice everyday and not kind of slack toward the end of the week, right?) But he handles it like a champ and I love him for it. So we will keep practicing, singing "Uh-oh", and giving away chores like candy. The greatest thing is, I haven't had to clean the toilet myself for weeks!