Angels

I know all of you have gone to church some Sundays and spent so much time out in the hall that you wondered, "Why do I even come?" That was today. Adam threw his back out on Friday fixing the toilet. Some little hands had flushed the toilet paper roll holder down the toilet. Usually Adam is the one to take the boys out if they are being disruptive at church. But since he couldn't do that today, the job fell on me. And boy was it a toughy today, starting as soon as we pulled into the parking lot.

So after our family saga was played out in front of the entire ward during sacrament meeting, I found myself crying in the bathroom hoping no one would talk to me so that I could pull it together long enough to do sharing time in Primary.

Can I just say, my ward is full of angels? Some came and helped me when I had two boys out in the foyer crying. Others came and took the crying baby from my arms so that I could get my stuff together - both literally and emotionally. One of our bishopric members gave Adam a hug and both of us heard a lot of "We've been there, we know what it's like." After church, another person came and brought brownies. Each act of kindness brought new tears of gratitude. Heavenly Father was saying, "You're not alone. Others have made it, you will too." Boy I needed that. To all of you angels in the Sunset ward - THANK YOU! It doesn't seem to be enough, but I hope I will remember this day and when I see a mom frazzled beyond belief, I want to step in and say - Let me help, I've been there.

Mom Thoughts

The past two weeks have been HARD. And it's all because I'm a mom. All you moms out there tell me this:

• Do two shoes ever get put away in the same place?
• Are all children able to repeat the same phrase over and over at least 50 times in a row?
• Can you ever change the subject with your small child when in the state mentioned above?
• Will getting out the door ever be pleasant - or timely?
• Do your children think that as soon as they ask for something - crackers, chocolate milk, etc. that it should magically appear within seconds?
• Does there ever come a time where you do not have to repeat a request/question/demand more than three times before getting any kind of a response (besides the phrase being repeated 50 times)?
• Is potty training a nightmare for everyone?
• Do you ever just want to scream as loud as your kids, right in their face, just like they do to you?
• Can this miserable job of being a mom really be the biggest blessing of your life?
• Is the laundry ever "done"?

I love my little Phin and I know that somewhere in heaven my mom is laughing her head off when she sees the things that he does and how he can spin me like a top. "No" is the answer to everything. He will say he wants one thing and as soon as you give it (or don't give it) he all of a sudden has changed his mind. And not once but multiple times during the day. Often, by the end of the day he has completely worn me out. I just want to lie down and sleep for 14 hours without hearing the pitter patter of little feet coming into my room.

On Thursday, I broke. I literally broke. This has never happened to me before. I'm sure a great deal is due to pregnancy hormones. We were playing on my bed, me and the three boys. Suddenly, the wrestling turned a little too rough and someone was pulling my hair. "Get off, get off, get off," I repeated. In the end there were two bigger boys flying off of me and me screaming at the top of my lungs, "GET OFF OF ME!!!" And then I broke. I started to cry, along with the two little ones. Phin, who got the full force of my wrath and little Spencer who doesn't like loud noises.

I tried to go for a "time out", but none of our door have locks. So I ended up bawling with two boys on my lap bawling too and George hiding out in his room, hoping to escape any punishment. Then I couldn't stop. I tried and I tried to get it together, but it was like my body was resisting every effort. Thinking if I went on as normal I would feel normal again, I went out to the van to get my gym bag. When the sliding door wouldn't close, I gave it a "little" help. I could hear the pieces falling on the ground and then the door wouldn't close. Now, I'm a total mess. I call Adam, sounding, I'm sure, like someone has died. Sobbing, I tell him about my morning. He realizes that I am totally unable to function and arranges to come home. I cry for the next two hours - getting up enough courage in the meantime to call my dear friend to come and get my kids because I know the first little tiff could put all of us in serious danger. Adam came home and I slept for the next three hours. But it really took me about 24 hours to regroup.

I only share this, because I know there are other moms out there like me who think that they are failing at every turn - or at least flailing at every turn. Moms can get broken. Moms need time to repair. Moms need daily maintenance, or at least weekly maintenance, in order to keep functioning. Take care of yourselves, moms. And know that you are not in this alone. Heavenly Father, the perfect parent, sends his angles to watch over you.